Permanent Zen Blog: 7 Tips to be more Courageous
In general, we experience two types of fear: the fear that indicates we’re in physical danger (for example, when we’re standing in the middle of a busy road), and the fear that indicates our ego is in danger (e.g. fear of public speaking).
In modern society, there are very few situations in which we are in physical danger, so most of the fear we feel has more to do with threats to our ego and self-concept than threats that could cause us physical harm. However, these two types of fear feel very similar, and provoke the same primal fight or flight response in our body.
Boosting our courage isn’t about eradicating our fear; it’s such a primal, instinctive response that this isn’t a realistic goal. Instead, it’s about learning how to respond to our fear in a healthy way. Here are seven effective ways you can start boosting your courage today:
1. Exercise your courage like a muscle.
Courage is a habit, a muscle you can exercise. Most of us aren’t born courageous, so we shouldn’t expect to magically acquire it without practice. Courage is…a habit, a virtue: You get it by courageous acts. It’s like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging. Get in the habit of deciding what you think about things and speaking from that place of conviction. Practice saying what you think about small, inconsequential things: pleasantly, politely—but firmly.
Notice every time you do something that you’re scared to do—something your body is telling you not to do. You’ll start to realize that you do these things all the time. You’re already much braver than you think. This is particularly true of shy people for whom daily life requires them to smile in the face of fear.
2. Remind yourself that fear can harm you.
Fear evolved for a very good reason--to keep us safe. But in many situations, it actually endangers us. I don't just mean in the sense that stress and worry can destroy your health, although they certainly can. I mean in more immediate ways. In scuba diving, for instance, fear can cause you to breathe too fast, swim too hard, move too suddenly, fail to take note of your surroundings, or rise too quickly toward the surface. (I know--I've done every one of these.) The same thing can happen in other high-pressure situations, such as if fear causes you to mumble or fail to focus on your audience while giving a presentation.
Knowing that fear has the potential to harm you can help you set it aside. Fold up the fear, put it in a box, and promise you'll get back to it later at a less dangerous time.
3. Remember that fear is just chemicals.
You may think it's your judgment deciding that something is dangerous and you should be afraid, but what actually happens is that fear chemicals are flooding into your brain. Experiments have shown that fear can be induced artificially by injecting these chemicals (Another way we all know this is that most of us get more timid as we age. It's not that the world's gotten more dangerous; it's that our brains process chemicals differently.)
Do the chemicals know what you should and shouldn't be afraid of? Of course they don't. You do.
4. Meditate, or at least stop and breathe.
Meditating (sitting quietly and trying to clear your mind of all thought while you focus on a word or phrase, or simply your breath) can make a huge difference to brain function, even if you do it for only five minutes a day. But sometimes a daily meditation practice of even a few minutes is hard to maintain. (I don't manage to do it, even though I know it works.) If so, you can still help yourself, especially when you're feeling afraid, by simply stopping for a few moments and focusing on your breath. Filling your brain with oxygen will help it drive out fear.
5. Learn to attend to positive signals and to discount negative ones.
Many of us have a “negativity bias” that causes us to pay more attention to disapproval than to positive reinforcement. Be aware of this, and gently steer your mind to positive stimuli. When I first started my public speaking career, I tended to focus on whichever audience member had the most disgruntled expression on her face. These days, though I still hope to please everyone, I’m much more attuned to those who seem happy to be there.
6. Ask, “Who do I need to become?” instead of, “What do I need to do?”
When it comes to stretching our comfort zone and committing acts of courage, we often focus on what we need to do. The real shift that needs to take place, however, revolves around who we need to become.
For example, if you decided you wanted to get active and train for a triathlon by the end of the year, information that will tell you what to do to get there is readily available. What will decide whether or not you have the courage to actually go out and do it, however, is thinking about who you need to become in order to be someone who does that.
What qualities would a courageous future version of yourself have? How would they start each day? What new habits would they develop? What old habits would they change?
7. Take action.
When we’re feeling low on courage, it’s tempting to sit and think about how we’re going to find the motivation we’re looking for, to read articles online (present company excepted, of course), talk about it—anything but actually do the thing we’re afraid of doing.
If you’re waiting to feel more courageous before taking action, you’re going to be waiting a long time. In reality, the longer you wait before taking action, the less courageous you’ll feel. The only thing that will help you feel more courageous is taking action, stepping outside your comfort zone, and sending yourself the message that you are a courageous person.
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Namaste!